these people make me feel like i have my life together..

i want to make my own pesto..

supposedly it's not so difficult to manage with a food processor.. and since big edie has one of those.. this little chicken might try it out in the near future.. recipe calls for an INSANE chopping implement.. but i think i'm still leaning toward the food processor.. 

Classic Pesto
3 medium cloves of garlic
1 large bunch of basil, leaves only, washed and dried
1 small handful of raw pine nuts
Roughly 3/4 cup of Parmesan, loosely packed and freshly grated
A few tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil
Special equipment: Large mezzaluna for chopping
she uses a technique that is "scrape and chop. gather and chop." i fear i am a more instantaneous gal.. "push pulse button to chop."

because i am not prone to love.. i have a propensity for crushing.. currently THIS boy.. who has a voice that isn't entirely unlike several others.. (play: spot the sounds like game).. but there is a beard.. and a boat in berlin.. and graffiti of a boy and a girl with tilted heads.. a record playing in my room.. and almost instantaneous falling on my behalf..  

Dan Mangan from Christian Plähn on Vimeo.

i want (and went recently.. though she was overbooked..) to have my fortune told.. my cards read.. hill keeps saying she will make an appointment.. i'm willing this event to take place before the end of january.. i'm feeling superstitious.. and plagued by thoughts that it will only be accurate if done soon.. she knows someone in encinitas.. 

being twenty twelve.. and the onset of my demise.. i am aflutter.. and i feel like i'm floating.. and i feel like i will soon be crushed by the sky that is surely falling.. 

if only i could see the two moons in the night.. i would feel put at ease.. concrete evidence that the train tracks have switched over.. i think when i find my city of cats.. i won't return.. 

i can't recall having ever heard "Janáček - Sinfonietta" but it seems too familiar for comfort.. 

crying in public for no reason when i read: "as long as she stays there, she'll never have to try (and fail) again." or.. "this might be my only chance to feel free all day." or.. "instead of the sensation that this has happened before, i'm suffuse with the awareness that this is happening for the first time, that all the other times were in my head."
(from mj's "it chooses you")
feeling so put out of place that upon firmly shutting the pages after the michael chapter.. i can't bring myself to continue.. peering at everything..

she used the word suffuse.. 

BE BOLD.. goddammit..

things are already changing.. my dentist is repairing my smile.. because i don't smile.. (up next.. he wants to speak to the snaggle tooth!!!)

someone called my hair "gorgeous" the other day.. no one calls/has ever called me that..

i've been particularly.. specifically sought out.. to attend a 6 month intensive leadership conference..

i've been asked if i will stay at the boys & girls club for at least the next year..

i've been asked where i WON'T live.. if we go together.. at least we both know it WON'T be to the midwest.. 

persons that are not uncle steve and patty patty are inadvertently searching for boys that will meet my interests and long term sustainability.. (why these persons still don't know my true heart/nature is beyond my realm of understanding.. maybe it's my inability to share..)

other people from my past have returned to me in text messages and dreams involving watches and rows of houses and vivid colors without words.. 

and just now.. 3:50 ish o'clock on saturday.. my joseph arrrrrgh.. called me because he has "briefly" returned to the greater southern portion of california..

love and rockets.. 

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